The Errand

It was no use. It was three already, and the sun had already gone down: it was much too late to go out into town. 

    Letitia sighed, then rested her head back on the sofa. She had been sitting there all day, with nothing to do but gaze at the cloudy sky and think about killing herself. She wished she could be a little more active, a little more determined to go out into town – she had been trying to convince herself for days to go out into town with no success – but her depression prevented her from it. Oh, how cruel life was. 

    The telephone rang, and she wearily got up to answer it. 

    “Hello?”

    “Darling,” the voice on the other side said. It was Countess W—. “Thank goodness you picked up. I have a really important favor to ask you.”

    “I’m sorry,” Letitia began. “I’m not feel–”

    “You see, I ordered this beautiful fabric off of Mr. Lamsey,” the voice said. “An absolute gem of a piece. I was supposed to pick it up today, but poor little Timmy’s gone down with a fever, which has triggered my nerves – you know how fragile these things are darling, – so I won’t be able to pick it up. I would send the servants to pick it up, but they’re much too busy taking care of poor Timmy – you know how understaffed I’ve been. Now, darling, I told the dressmaker I would meet him tomorrow morning, and it is absolutely impossible to reschedule. Could you send one of your servants to pick it up? Thank you darling– and say hello to your dear husband when he comes back. Cheers.”

    And with that, she hung up. 

    Letitia sighed, then put down the phone. She hadn’t had the energy – or time – to tell the Countess on the phone that she had sent her servants home for the weekend, as she usually did when she felt ill. Her husband, as the Countess had mentioned, was off in Edinburgh for business, so there was no way he could pick up the fabric for her either. 

    That meant that it was up to her. She sighed. 

    She moved over to where the clock was. It was 3:15. It would take her about an hour to get properly ready, and if she hurried, it would take her only fifteen minutes to get into town. That would give her roughly just enough time to pick up the fabric before Mr. Lamsey’s store closed. 

    Letitia took hold of the table, groaning, thinking of all the effort it would take to get ready and go into town. She really wasn’t feeling well today. 

    She went into her dressing room and chose a proper dress to go into town. It was dark blue. Then she began to dress.

    As she adjusted her corset, she couldn’t help but tighten it as much as she could, if only to see what it was like to be breathless, if even for just one minute. But her corset wouldn’t budge, and instead remained comfortably molded around her torso. 

    She then put on her dress — blue has always made me look a bit sickly, she thought – and then proceeded to tie her hair up in ringlets. 

    When she was done, she put down her hands, shaking. She was exhausted. No, it was no use going into town today – it was already dark. 

    But I must go, she thought, and then proceeded to do her makeup. 

    As she curled her lashes and lightly powdered her cheeks, she couldn’t help but think of the time when people used to paint their faces white with lead and mercury. What must that have been like, she wondered. What must it be like to die a slow death all for the sake of beauty?

    What must it be like, she thought, to die?

    She put on her shoes, grabbed a shawl and a basket, and with that, set off to town. It was much too dark to go into town at this hour; yes, she could turn back now, call the Countess, and apologize for not being able to go out. Yes, she could turn back any minute now. 

    But, she knew, her reputation and her friendship with the Countess depended on it. So she kept on. 

    As she traversed down the hills and into town, she couldn’t help but think bad thoughts. She looked towards the hills and could only see them as the ideal place to fall and break your neck. She looked up towards the sky and could only see darkness, the darkness that smothered her constantly, day in, day out, telling her you’re pathetic, you’re useless, you should die. Letitia tightened her hands on her basket and carried on. She was afraid of what she’d do to herself alone in the dark. 

    After what seemed like ages, Letitia finally made it to town. She sighed with relief as she saw the lanterns lighting up the streets. Then, without further ado, she went up to pick up the Countess’s fabric. 

    Mr. Lamsey greeted her warmly, and after asking her what she was doing out so late (“It’s not proper for a lady to be out here in the dark”) handed her the Countess’s fabric. Letitia couldn’t see what was so special about the fabric – it had a nice pattern on it, surely, but nothing more than that – but she put it away with care in her basket anyway. She thanked Mr. Lamsey and went outside. 

    And suddenly, as if with a shock of lightning, the darkness enveloped her. All the thoughts of death she’d been having all day suddenly culminated into one solid thought that aimed itself at a horse-pulled carriage remaining down the road. Yes, she thought. At last, this is my chance. 

    And she ran, without truly thinking, towards the carriage’s path. She closed her eyes. 

    But just seconds before impact, she felt herself being pulled back.

    She opened her eyes in surprise. And as she looked up, she could see all the stars twinkling in the sky. She stared at them for what seemed like an eternity, absolutely mesmerized. Had they always shone so brightly? Had there always been that many? And what about the sky? Had it always been that lovely, silky black that seemed to envelop her like a hug?

    She fell down, the breath being pushed out of her as she landed on the ground. There was chaos around her. In front of her, the horses whinnied and reared up, scared by the sudden stop, all while the driver of the carriage yelled at Letitia for having run so carelessly onto the road. Behind her, Mr. Lamsey, who was gripping her arm, asked about her safety, explaining how he had rushed out of his store to save her, while also muttering about how the nighttime was no time for ladies, no indeed. 

    But despite being caught in the midst of this cacophony of noise, Letitia couldn’t help but smile. She gently pried open her basket to see if the fabric was alright. 

    What a pity it would be, she thought, if a fabric this beautiful were stained with blood.